Who Cares What A Crazy Person Believes?

I believe that sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll is the best–the only way to live and die. Who's with me? It seems so silly to some people though, to risk that good job and oh that money, that sweet, sweet money and security on a whimsical child-like fantasy of just playing all day, never growing old, and always doing what you want regardless of consequence. Many are either too afraid to follow this path or are unaware that the path even exists. But for me I really want to be the one to pull it off, you know? It just does not seem adequate to have to cope with all the bullshit things in life that society or whatever else throws your way. I mean am I lazy because I don't want to work some crap job or am I really on to something here? My sister is getting married this halloween in the form of a costume wedding and my family and friends insisted that I be Peter Pan because I "never want to grow up." I will admit how funny the joke is but it is kind of upsetting at the same time. You see, I never really realized the importance of the whole 'get your shit together' mantra that I supposedly should have been maintaining throughout adolescence. I mean, I just never really matured like that. Here, I am, Peter Pan, stuck in this childhood mindset that becomes more and more nostalgic everyday, wondering what the fuck I am going to do with the rest of my life, you know? Will true love work for me, how will I make a living and survive, what do i need to accomplish in life, how could I possibly get there, you know? Like, is it just me or are we not actually dying more and more by each minute. We are! that's just it, this life could be over at any momment and I'll be damned if I'll let the rest of it slip away like so much of it already has. Does anyone else out there miss their childhood?, of course they do, everyone does. But does anyone miss it like I do? How do these people move on, you know? I can't seem to cope like they can. I just need to accept that I'm not ever going to be a kid again, but how does one accept that? I guess I'm not as well fit for life in this world as one would hope. Thus, is my life; the teenage drama queen, unable to handle the responsibilities and challenges set before me. Every other day the sky is falling, you know? The worst part is knowing there is little you can do when you feel this way. The farther away the ease and comfort and innocence of childhood gets, the harder it is for me to deal with and the more it drives me into a depression. So born of this depression is the idea to not let anything hurt me and just live like my childhood could last forever. Why do I always let the bad feelings in when I can mask them with the good feelings. I know I am self destructive at times but I wouldn't have it any other way. From cutting myself(don't worry, the safe kind), to indulgences, and excesses of all kinds, I really don't worry to much about tomorrow or yesterday. Instead I choose to believe in today. BAM.